I Just Had To Smile

I was parked next to a man who was driving his wife and four daughters around in a minivan adorned with Twilight stickers. I just had to smile. That's a good man right there.

I was stopped behind a $130,000 BMW with a license plate that read I DO OK. I just had to smile. Pretty clever.

I was in Target and saw a very athletic looking young man drag his fiance to the kitchen section to show her all the different spices he wanted to put in the spice rack they'd registered for. Ya don't see that everyday. (Not from a basketball player, anyway.) I just had to smile.

I then strolled by the 'unmentionables' section and heard a young 'under-developed' gal tell her boyfriend that she needed a size D brasier. I just had to smile. And I couldn't restrain a chuckle.

A woman in the toy aisle repeatedly (and loudly) kept losing her temper at her daughter, who amazingly enough, happened to be named "Patience". Sweet irony. I just had to smile.

And when I saw THIS...



I just had to smile.

The "B" List

If you've ever thumbed through Oprah magazine, you're probably familiar with the O List; The section where Oprah endorses some of her favorite products. In her own words: "A few things I think are just Great!" Typically items that are superfilous and ridiculously priced: Anything from a $15 muffin to $60 hand soap for your guest bathroom. I ask myself, "Who on earth (besides Oprah) would actually pony up that kind of dough for such things?" I like to think that even if we were to stumble upon insane wealth, I would find better things to do with my cash than treat myself to a sterling silver tennis ball can. A note to friends and family: If I ever reach a point where I find it reasonable to purchase $10 rolls of colored toilet paper, please just slap me. Until then, here's my take on fab products in behalf of those of us who are still living in the real world.

THE B LIST .... "A few things I think are just GREAT!"

Wet Ones- these are far superior to the sanitizing gel that slips off my kids' palms before they can even rub it in.


Softlips - Because it's the only chapstick I use


Wallflowers- I'm partial to candles, but these are a nice alternative to forgetting to snuff out the wick and starting your kitchen on fire

Bug Bites- A hit with my girls, and Katelyn's playgroup friends. Too bad they are discontinued and I cleaned the stores out of all they had left. Good luck:)


Silicone Earplugs - For nights when you come dangerously close to smothering a snoring husband with your pillow.

Hostess mini cupcakes- No tea party is complete without them


No More Tangles- This spray means I hear a lot less of "Ow! You're hurting my head!"


Pillsbury Dough- Our Sunday dessert standby- when my homemade batch of cookies winds up burnt and in the trash.


LaCie Iamakey- I download all my photos onto this little baby and it keeps handy on my key ring for whenever I feel like developing the pics at the store. (Thanks, Eric!)


I will continue to be loyal to my "B List" products long after I win the lottery. And when I do, "YOU'RE ALL GETTING ONE!"

I Blame Disney

I found a box of straws tucked in the corner of our cupboard (along with some undesirable findings, such as a leaky honey jar- lots of fun). Katelyn wanted to use a straw to drink her apple juice, but soon she had a new idea for it. She walked around with the straw between her fingers and touched it to her lips. She didn't want little sister to miss out on the fun, and appearance of evil. So she offered, "Emily, do want me to get you a straw so you can be smokin' with me?" They entertained themselves by waving their straws around dramatically and reciting lines spoken by Cruella Deville. Ah hah! That's what comes from having 101 Dalmatians in the DVD player for the last two weeks straight. It's got me thinking that exposing my girls to these seemingly harmless Disney classics could be filling their heads with all kinds of ideas:

- Sixteen is the optimal age for becoming a bride
- It is acceptable (and even great fun) to cohabitate with 7 lonely men
- There is no danger or threat of contracting rabies when mingling with wild animals
- A man who stalks you from behind a bush and suddenly emerges while bursting into song is not only romantic, but it's a sure sign that he's the guy you're meant to marry.
- Everything will be okay if you can just get the guy to KISS you
- Moms are MEAN (especially step moms)

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go and give the 'Word of Wisdom' lecture a little sooner than I'd planned. Then I'm hiding The Little Mermaid in my sock drawer before the girls ask to go shopping for a sea shell bra.

Her Name Is What??

I was with the girls in Barnes&Noble and met a woman with her 18 month old daughter. We began chatting about our favorite kid's books and t.v. shows. She said her toddler loved Sesame Street.

Her: "I don't let my little girl watch very much t.v."

"Me, neither," I lied. "What's your daughter's name?"

"Tambrekliny" (Tam- BREK-Lyn-nee)

It felt as though a full minute went by as I tried to wrap my brain around the name the woman had just uttered. I suddenly realized that my facial expression was much like the one I always had during high school math class. I quickly tried to smooth over my face full of confusion, but all I could think to say was, "Huh." (I know, very graceful of me.) I certainly didn't mean to be rude, but I simply could not fathom how such a name was even concocted. What, you couldn't decide between Tami, Amber, Brooklyn, or Britney, so you jumbled them all together and that's what you came up with? The wheels in my brain were spinning.

The woman then mentioned that she and her boyfriend were thinking of having another baby, but that she is freaked out at the idea. I resisted the urge to suggest that she at least give her second born a normal name. She had been observing Katelyn and Emily together and asked me, "So how is it having TWO kids?" I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see Emily knock over a display case full of books and Katelyn tip backwards on a wooden bench and dissolve into tears. "So fun," I answered with a very convincing smile.

Most of the time, that is true. We have our ups and downs, but at the end of the day I can at least take comfort in knowing that I gave both of my girls names that won't ensue unflattering reactions every time they're introduced to new people through their lifetime.
Poor Tambrekliny. 18 months old and no future at all.

Heaven Help Me

During Emily's nap, Katelyn decided she wanted to play "Mom and Dad". She assigned herself as the mom, of course, and me as the dad. She came into the living room with her Dora doll stuffed under her shirt, and said to me:

"Husband, I just realized I'm going to have a baby."

I looked at the big doll bump on her tummy. "You just realized that?"

"Yeah. And I think I need to go into labor now."

"Oh, okay. Good luck." I was trying to fight back laughter because this was 'serious' play.

She came back into the living room a few seconds later and joyously announced the arrival of baby Dora. Then she said, "Husband, remember when we got married last Monday?"

"We got married just last Monday?"

"Yes. You are twenty, and I am sixteen."

"Oh boy."

She tucked the doll into the cradle and said, "It's time to put the baby to bed. Now me and you can have our alone time and watch The Biggest Loser."

Hmmm... My four-year-old daughter just pretended that she had a baby a week after her wedding at age 16. If this imaginative play is at all foreshadowing of what is to come, I'm going to be on some serious medication in about twelve years. Where have I gone wrong?