Deal Breakers

Every year when Valentine's Day comes around, it seems that we're bombarded with email popup articles containing expert advice on relationships: "How To Tell If He's the One" "10 Things That Guys Find Annoying" "How To Make Him Fall For You." And so on... I've been inspired to create a list of my own based on past experience- bits and pieces of poor tactics that have remained in my memory. Granted, it has been awhile since I was single and in the dating scene, but I like to think that I still have a clue when it comes to the basics of courting etiquette. True, I stole my post title from the famous Liz Lemon, but I think these red flags might prove helpful to anyone in the dating pool:

Note: NONE of these dating faux paus were committed by Eric. The guy is a pro:) For what my primitive advice is worth, keep this is mind...

-If a guy takes you to meet his ex girlfriend and has you listen to them reminisce about their memories for an hour and a half, that's a deal-breaker. (Did I mention having to witness the collection of their high school dance pictures?)

-If a guy refuses to walk you to your door because he "doesn't want to get out of his car 'cause it's too cold and snowy," that's a deal-breaker.

-If a guy feels the need to point out that other girls are checking out his 'muscly calves', that's a deal-breaker.

-If you call a guy the morning of your date, apologizing that you have to cancel due to major stomach flu and the fact that you can't quit throwing up, and he responds only by complaining that you're not leaving him much time to find another date, that's a deal-breaker. (And a darn good run-on sentence at that.)

-If a guy spends half the date making you look at his scrapbooks full of proof of his many, many accomplishments, that's a deal-breaker.

-If you're double dating and the guys speak in their mission language to one another throughout the entire dinner, that's a deal-breaker. Not to mention super obnoxious. (And you and the poor girl dating the other guy have a pretty good idea that the fellas are making of you.)

-If a guy calls and makes you listen to a sappy ballad over the phone because "it's the only way he can tell you how he's feeling", that's a deal-breaker. But pretty darn hilarious.

-If a guy wants to show off his soccer skills by making you play goalie while he bullets the ball into the net, that's a deal-breaker. ("Okay, I give up! You were right- you ARE awesome!")

-If the guy has a potty mouth, that's a deal breaker. Plain and simple.

-If ten minutes into a first date the guy thinks it would be fun to see if your ribs are ticklish, that's a deal breaker. And well deserving of an elbow to his gut, if you ask me.

-If you and your date are eating greasy fried chicken and the guy wipes his hands off on your pant leg, cut him some slack. He doesn't mean to be rude, he's just a little clueless. (This actually was my dad. The girl who forgave him for doing this is my mom.) I'm so glad she gave him another chance.

A happy love season to all!