My mom will probably read this and wonder why I'm complaining, since messes didn't bother me in the least when I was growing up under her roof. What can I say? I've matured to develop an intolerance for extreme clutter. And I seem to grow more incapable of keeping up with my two destructo daughters. I am only one woman. And I'm no match for my offspring. No sooner do I finish mopping up a puddle of chocolate milk does a bowl of goldfish crackers suddenly appear (ground into the carpet). I swear that our Fisher Price Little People are multiplying and replenishing the living room, because there's no way I could have picked up the SAME ONES 10 times today.... could I? I love Emily's artwork- just not on the walls. Katelyn's obsession with changing outfits repeatedly throughout the day is endearing- the extra laundry is not. I'd decided that enough was enough the other day when I walked into the kitchen and stumbled over a pile of plastic princess figurines and nearly collapsed onto the sticky, juice spotted linoleum. "I am hiring a housekeeper!" I snapped, as I forcefully chucked Cinderella, Ariel, and Snow White into the living room. "That's right," I confirmed the fear in Eric's eyes, "I'm losing it!"
That night as I gathered up the princesses I'd launched, Cinderella seemed to look up sadly at me with her painted on eyes. "I'm not sorry," I told her indignantly. "You of all people should know how I feel."
I asked myself how mothers with more than 2 children manage to keep a tidy house? Like Carol Brady, for instance. Then I remembered that Carol Brady didn't do a dang thing. She had Alice. Wasn't Alice terrific? She was so perky and chipper, (most likely from the harsh cleaning fumes she's been sniffing), but what does it matter? She cooked and picked up after six kids, put up with Mike's dim-witted jokes and moronic inuendo about her boyfriend Sam, and made meatloaf full of lard. And even though I thought the Brady house was hideous, it was always spic and span. Thanks to good ol' Alice. How I wish she'd dust off her baby blue uniform and blazing white orthodox sneakers and come work for us.
I'm almost convinced that if I had one of these:
Eric and I would be as happy as this:
With any luck, the hours I'd save on cleaning would allow me time to achieve Carol's perfectly coifed hairdo.
AMEN and I only have ONE! (Sometimes I'd like to count Bryan as 2 though?!)
ReplyDeletedon't fool yourself becky, you just don't have the bone structure to pull off carol's 'do.
ReplyDeleteThe other day I was dusting and Rachel asked me what I was doing. "Dusting." I replied. "Oh," She said, "Like Cinderella?" EXACTLY. Sometimes I get so flustered with all the mess that I just throw toys in the garbage. I came home from the gym yesterday to find Cheetos on the floor of our bedroom (Patrick was babysitting). My guess is that Eric is as much help with cleaning as my husband. Our efforts are basically futile.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about the hair thing. If I remember correctly, Carol had a flippy sort of mullet thing going on for a while. Children gang up on you; you have no chance. You and Cinderella will just have to face reality.
ReplyDeleteI think we could have a win-win situation if I came to work as your maid. I could help keep the Little People off your floor and you could keep me laughing all day. But I don't do meatloaf with lard.
ReplyDeletePerhaps a wig would be the way to go.
ReplyDeletep.s. you crack me up!