Dear Santa,
In addition to the items on my Christmas list, I'm requesting compensation for this evening's automotive damages. While driving up the road to my parents' house, I was smashed into by a reindeer (one of yours, no doubt), leaving a very large and unsightly dent on the side of my new Passat. He bounded off and out of sight before we could exchange insurance information, even after I yelled, "Where do you think you're going?!" I assume that since he's one of your dependents, you plan on taking responsibility for his recklessness. It couldn't have been Rudolph. It looked like one of the dumber and less important ones, perhaps Donner. (Does anyone even like Donner?) I will send you a bill for the cost of repairs. You'd better throw in a few grand for emotional trauma as well. I advise you to keep a tighter leash on your reindeer, Mr. Claus. The next one to charge at my car and attempt to leave the scene of the accident will be shot down and made into beef jerky. Merry Christmas.
Another Year of Christmas Countdowns on Studio 5
9 years ago
It was probably Comet; he's like that. I'm happy he didn't injure you. Too bad about your sleigh (I mean car).
ReplyDeleteStupid deer. That really stinks! Of course it had to be your beautiful new car that got attacked instead your older one. (I noticed there's no concern mentioned for the deer.) You better hope no animal rights activists read this post.
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious! Missed you all in church today.
ReplyDeleteI feel that a letter from a real attorney might have more pull. Lawsuits always get things moving. Also, you didn't mention anything about whiplash. I'm sure you have it.
ReplyDeletep.s. this sounds an awful lot like something Eric would write. I think you guys have been married too long.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's a doubt that it was Cupid (consider what it rhymes with). Santa probably doesn't care. I hear he's layed off his reindeer and replaced then with a BMW flying sleigh (lots of horse power). The good news is, it's green.
ReplyDelete